Of late I have been having trouble sleeping well at night due to reasons which I myself am not able to explain nor comprehend. It is now 5am and with only 5 hours sleep earlier I am now wide awake! My body is tired from the daily activities and it needs the much required rest but my mind is still active so even when I do sleep, very rarely do I enjoy a fulfilling rest. I wonder why I think too much and why I even bother to. Some of the reasons as to why I don’t enjoy a good night’s rest are the following :
1. I think my age and body is going through this process of change where the type of mattress and pillows have suddenly become important. I must be getting old! I have been in a divine search for the perfect mattress trying every model and brand hoping to find the perfect one soon. Perfect here means the optimal balance between care, comfort and price! Plus something that both me and wife can agree on. Marketing is the root of all evil.
2. I wonder why and how the Israelis can justify what they are doing in Gaza. Even animals won’t do this.
3. It saddens me to think that this new wind of change in Malaysian politics may well be standing on the wrong footing. People want change not necessarily because they want the new change but perhaps they want the old to change. But the process and result is the same hence the wrong footing. The people power now play an integral role in government and governance but do the politicians realize this? I refer to the blog “ninitalk” which talks about the demise of BN & UMNO post the KT by-election and it saddens me to think that the end might be near as described. How can an institution of more than 50 years be in the state that it is in now? Even the Malays are rejecting the institution that fought for their role in Malaysia. What happened? Maybe 50 years is indeed too long and perhaps the “RAHMAN” prophecy will end with N? Or will N bring about a new prophecy and hope moving forward? It saddens me because despite all the setbacks and writings on the wall, very few leaders recognize the need for a serious overhaul of the institution while many are just embracing more tightly the culture of corrupted arrogance and selfishness even as the ship sinks. The mission is only about them disguised as a fight for their race. To these groups of people I beg for all of you to realize that the end could be nearer than you think and it’s not because the people want the alternative. It is a situation of anything but you! Frankly I worry for my Malaysia because we have been a contented nation for the last 45 years and I doubt we are ready to see such change we think we are emotionally ready for.
4. I want the best education for my daughter and I wonder if the local education system is good enough for her? It was good enough for me then but the world has changed so will it be good enough for her? A good education in my opinion is not about the 9,10 or even 20A’s. I don’t wish for her to obtain all that and still be an “average” human being with average thinking and prejudices and with no positive role in society. I want my Ariadna to be passionate about seeking knowledge to expand her mind and expose herself to positive traits that will make her a better person. Will she have good teachers that are passionate about teaching these invaluable knowledge having experienced it themselves? Will she learn to excel in her exams or to excel in her life? Will she be exposed to other cultures and civilizations only to be contented with her own? I can’t sleep well worrying about her future.
5. At the back of my mind I may be awake because I fear for the safety of my family. When I go to sleep at night, I pray that crime does not find its way to our home. With all the horror crime stories that we hear happening to society today, how can we sleep peacefully at night or for that matter even as we go through the day? Lately I worry about this more. All the cameras and security in the house still can’t give me a peaceful sleep at night. What can Malaysia do about this?
6. I worry about the current economy in Malaysia. We seem to be denying everything until it comes knocking at our door. Recession is already here and i suspect it will be worst than the ones we had in 1987 and 1998 we just don’t know it yet. We do not have a strong domestic economy which can sustain us through this period with minimal impact (on hindsight this is why we need 70m people! economically viable ones!) and it worries me how local businesses will suffer. It does not help that while stimulus policies are to be implemented, the intense raping of the national coffers continue to prevail. I just pray that we have a new Prime Minister that can successfully see us all through this difficult times and take us to a prosperous level again very soon.
7. My Chinese and Indian friends probably cannot sleep well at nights too these days thinking that one day the racial tension bubble might burst. We don’t need to worry about such things and we don’t want to see this happen. We are kidding ourselves if we think that all are ok. Politicians beware! Don’t play with fire. I hope my new Prime Minister will make Malaysia good again where we will love each other as Malaysians respecting each and every role we each have in this blessed society. Now you know why I want my daughter to have the best education!
8. I wonder if we will ever see a total overhaul of our annual budget? Can we change the way we spend our money for the people considering that traditional ways of spending no longer keep up with the changes in the world? Can we spend the money in ways that directly contribute to the nation’s progress as opposed to the progress of politics? Can we get help on a systematic way for Malaysia to carefully allocate its resources strategically and auditing the processess and results for proper governance? I would be happy if the government asks the rakyat how best to spend the money as a format for national discussion.
9. As I reach my 37 years of age this year, I realize that I can no longer be idealistic about my values, my expectations, my aspirations, my government and my friends. I just have to take the best out of what I have and hopefully it is more than the bad that comes with it.
10. I need more holidays so that my mind will want to sleep and rest more but all of the 9 issues above will come haunting back almost instantly the moment my AirAsia touches down in Labu!
shaik rizal sulaiman
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I must agree with your concern but not necessarily share your lack of sleep. My comments are as follows;
The Zionist are condemned both by us human and All Mighty GOD. A time will come when they will get what they deserve, and that goes to the American too.
Politically the whole country is fed up with the arrogant leadership/governing party. Either they change now or we change them, period. Post GE 13 lets trial them n make them justify the billions they have amassed.
Education wise, I was educated in England but both my children are in the local Uni, and they’re doing alright so far. As someone who had benefited from a MARA scholarship I believe my children’ education should be my responsibility.At least 2 more scholarships will go to more deserving and poor students. If all of us who once benefited from a govt scholarship practice this, a fairer allocation of funds would be achieved.
Security. As a taxpayer I have questions for our Govt. We have the police but we pay extra for private security firm. We pay for our water but spend thousands for internal and external filters to clean them for consumption.We send our children to Govt schools but spend thousands on tuition. I hope that phenomena will not spread to fresh air and sunshine!
Economy. If we ignore the clear signals that are so obvious we are fools. Our govt is.
Racial tension. If GOD wants us to be one HE could have done so from the beginning of time. But HE made us different not for us to fight or kill each other but to know each other and learn from each other. I have a cocktail of diff bloods in me- Java, Minangkabau, Chinese, Indian and goes all the way to Asia Minor. So I can claim my home to be Malaysia, Indonesia, India, China and East Europe. I have lived in England, Indonesia, Australia but the best has been here, my MALAYSIA.
Budget. Here budget means big ang pow for the Ministers and his/her cronies. If only the real penetration rate is above 80% we would have been an advanced nation by now.
PAJA NAIK KUDO
Cowboy, there is no point losing sleep. It is time to act. I am disturbed by your statement..” As I reach my 37 years of age this year, I realize that I can no longer be idealistic about my values, my expectations, my aspirations, my government and my friends. I just have to take the best out of what I have and hopefully it is more than the bad that comes with it”. Idealism is never out of date. A man is identified by what he stands for.
We must move forward. Kind regards, Din Merican
Think you need Dormicum!
Sleep well. Reality sucks so hopefully you’ll have wonderful dreams where everything is what & how u want it to be. ZZZzzzzZZZzzzz…..
thank you for all your comments.
paja kudo’s comments were quite interesting. keep it up!
Insomnia can be debilitating if you are obsessed with getting the 7-8 hours sleep prescribed for the average person.
But look at it this way – you are not meant to be average. You are among the chosen, blessed with extra waking hours to do wonderful things like contemplating your fate, that of your family and other Malaysians. You can search your mind, heart and soul undisturbed. You are given the rare privilege of enjoying your own company and learning to like yourself.
I was an insomniac for a long, long time and still don’t sleep as much as I would like to. But I’ve grown to love the utter peace and aloneness especially in the hours before subuh – prowling around the house, peering into books and dictionaries and seeing my paintings in a fresh light. In the days when I was more kusyuk this was the best time for rounds and rounds of zikir.
And if all else fails you can always post some outstanding comments on my blog “ninitalk.wordpress.com”
Dear Cowboy,
Your symptoms of sleeplessness is shared I’m sure by all Malaysians who loves
Malaysia. Agree with some of the comments given……so take a dormicum and continue your efforts to improve Malaysia if not for you DO IT FOR our children……and their children etc……and for all Malaysians who loves Malaysia.
I share your concern and anxieties about the uncertainties looming ahead of us – the socio-political future of our country, the educational system , the economic recession; the humanitariian crisis in Gaza and the Middla East; the problems of the world at large..!.
But, frankly, there’s no point losing sleep over the fear of the ”unknown”. Do take comfort in the fact that you’re far better off, far better endowed than the innumerable number of people whose plight and misery remain untold. We all have to be realistic, look at the better side of things, be grateful to Allah for His Blessings , and move on in life with hope and optimism. !
As I see it, dear Cowboy, all you need to do to be happy and invigorated again is simply to tackle reason No. 1, i.e.. just invest in the best top of the range Mattress and you’ll soon be sleeping soundly night after night, with nary a care about the harsh world outside!
Sweet dreams..!!
I think it is very well written from the heart. I’m sure most Malaysians are going thru the same predicament as you. Especially parents having young children. Please keep up your blog and I m sure thru time it will sink home to the people out there.